Dear Bridezilla: A Letter From Your Photographer
Author’s note: Warning: I wrote this last night when I was sleepless, sick and snarky.
Dear Bridezilla,
It was great to meet you yesterday! I still can not believe that 6 photographers you have spoken to said they may not be the “right fit” for you! I thought you, your mother, future mother in law, and 12 bridesmaids were lovely! It was so cute that your Uncle Joe came along to take some photos of our meeting for your scrapbook. I sure hope he brings his iPad to the wedding just in case I miss something.
The photos you want of a silhouette on the beach with waves crashing surrounded by a cluster of doves making a heart shape may be a bit tricky at the downtown Holiday Inn you have chosen for your reception, but your faith in my creativity is flattering. I’m sure I can make it work.
As for those private texts you sent me during my drive home, of course it is not a problem to photoshop out your niece’s pregnant belly. How dare she have a due date so close to your wedding? That was pretty selfish of her. I totally support you for sticking to your guns and making her wear the same bridesmaid dress as everyone else. Having something just to suit her would be so distracting!!
And Bravo for making your bridesmaids adhere to a strict 3 week diet before the big event! I don’t see why they looked unhappy, who doesn’t like water, carrots and quinoa? As for your future sister in law who really seemed to have a problem with that diet, I can definitely photoshop on a Nikki Minaj sized butt that looks natural, so no worries.
To address my fee I quoted in my contract, the simple response you sent via email of “WTF????!!!!” was thought provoking. I agree. I did a lot of soul searching, and hey, you are right. I totally get that you are working with a budget! That $30,000 custom Vera Wang dress is not paying for itself!
I think it’s great that you ordered 2 sizes smaller, by the way, to help you obtain your goal weight by the wedding. I agree that the 16 tier cake with chocolate fountain and self dipping strawberries is important, and the ice sculpture of the Greek god and goddess in an embrace with the faces of you and your fiancé must happen, so I’m going to just do this thing for free. I can use this awesome event to add on to my portfolio!
To answer your concern, of course I will give you all of the RAW files. Again, you are saving me boat loads of time going through and taking away from any single moment of your day. I am sure, to answer your question, that there is a sufficient app on your iPhone to edit them to your liking before you take them to WalMart for printing.
I’m so glad you have chosen me as your photographer. I can’t wait to see you on your big day. I’ve actually blocked off your entire wedding week just in case you have any last minute requests or needs.
And for the record, you really are sweet for letting me bring my own water bottle and bag lunch to eat during the 12 hour day. Some people totally forget that I need to eat! I’m totally comfortable eating that in my car as I drive from the wedding to the reception venue as you requested.
Looking forward to your Christmas Day wedding!
Sincerely,
Your Photographer
About the author: Robyn Harold is a photographer based in Fredericksburg, Virginia.
Image credits: Header photograph by Alan Kleina Mendes
