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Glitterbombs of Truth for Photographers

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glitterbomb

Here are some glitterbombs of truth about photography and being a photographer…


If the photo you are posting to Facebook is the very top of a mountain, and that mountain is stealthy and cunning, it is a “Sneak Peak.” If it’s anything other than that, it’s a “Sneak PEEK.”


If you have to buy a pre-made photography workshop kit, you probably shouldn’t be teaching photography to others.


The hand that holds the camera will turn into a claw after a wedding. You will have a Lego Person hand. Don’t be alarmed by this.


Accepting a RUSH order is a lot like going into labor: while you’re in the middle of it, you swear you will NEVER do it again, but, sure enough, you do.


It doesn’t matter what size a client wears, if you do your job right, they’re going to love their images.


The more wine I drink while I edit, the more Fine Art my work becomes.


Photographers steal other photographers work because they are incapable of creating it themselves…or too lazy to learn how.


You will book more sessions from the recommendations of a happy client who was pleased you respected her wishes and didn’t post her images online than you will from the client you never booked because you simply couldn’t agree to their privacy request.


If after only a few years in business, you walked away from a “successful photography business that was growing rapidly” so that you could become a “business coach,” I probably don’t want you to be coaching me on business.


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A Maternity Session is the only time in a woman’s life where she is totally okay with a photographer enlarging her stomach.


A stray piece of hair on your arm while you’re editing feels JUST LIKE A SPIDER.


I sell prints to my clients because I made them and know exactly how they should look…and Walmart doesn’t.


Nobody looks like the person on the magazine cover, not even the person on the magazine cover.


The price of a sculpture has nothing to do with the price of the clay. The price of a painting has nothing to do with the price of the canvas. The price of a photograph has NOTHING to do with the price of the paper.

The value of art transcends the materials with which it’s created. Charge what it’s worth. Charge what YOU’RE worth.


Photographers making money off photographers is the New Black.


Two things that don’t go together: Low rise jeans and photographing toddlers.


No one is going to pass down a USB drive from generation to generation.


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DSLRs should come with positive reinforcement sound effects each time you take a picture: “Good job!” “You’re amazing!” “This camera doesn’t deserve you!” And they should all be in Sue Bryce’s voice.


It doesn’t matter how good of a photographer you are, if you can’t sell your work, you won’t make money.


Don’t be the person who has no good photos of your big wedding because you skimped on the the professional photographer so you could put the money toward a big wedding.


Sometimes I see workshop givers with no real client business advertising their “How to Gain New Clients” workshops and, like Damien from “Mean Girls,” I want to yell: “SHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE!”


Just because you love what you do doesn’t mean you will enjoy it ALL the time. I mean, I love my children with my whole heart and would die for them, but there are days I want to give them to the gypsies.


I would rather edit a wedding consisting of a 20 member bridal party, all dressed in white, who engaged in a Spray-On Tan party the night before the wedding and are now the color of Cheetos… than have to untangle a box of Christmas lights.


Q: What do you call a business that isn’t run like a business?
A: A hobby.


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Vodka is like Purell for your insides.


Owning a camera does not make you a Professional Photographer; it simply makes you someone who owns a camera.


In 50 years, the most photographed generation in history will have no pictures. Print what you want to preserve.


Don’t confuse honesty with negativity.


“This is as useless as 1% opacity” is a comeback only Photoshop users would understand.


Paying clients aren’t homework.


There should be a margarita truck that plays Mariachi music as it drives around the neighborhood in the evening. And we would hear it and run out with our money and stand on the curb, waiting for it. Like an ice cream truck, but, you know, with margaritas.


It should never require electricity to see a picture of someone you love.


“People will NEVER pay a lot of money for photography when they can do it themselves at home for less. Now, excuse me while I finish this $5 coffee from Starbucks”.


Wearing yoga pants while I edit is often the closest I get to working out.


And last but certainly not least…

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About the author: Missy Mwac is a photography satirist, a lover of bacon, a drinker of vodka, a lover of sparkle, and a guide through the murky waters of professional photography. You can connect with her on Tumblr and Facebook. This article was also published here.


Image credits: Silhouette photos by Brooke Novak, Kenny_lex, Zach Dischner, Jhong Dizon

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