f/0.95 and Be There: Fixing 10 Famous Photography Quotes
If you know me, then you know I love a good one-liner. In fact, I put together what may be the best collection of portrait photography quotes in history. But even I can get sick of hearing the same old pearls of wisdom from the same old boomers. So I’ve upgraded 10 famous photography quotes so they make more sense in our modern photography world.
Read also: Inspiring Photography Quotes by Photographers for Photographers
Quote #1
Original: “f/8 and be there.” – Arthur “Weegee” Fellig.
New Version: “f/0.95 and be there.”
Weegee is often credited as the originator of “f/8 and be there.” But if he saw lenses like the Nikon 58mm f/0.95 Noct, he’d certainly change his tune.
Quote #2
Original: “After a number of years, it came to me that it all boiled down to light, gesture, and color.” – Jay Maisel
New Version: “After a number of years, it came to me that it all boiled down to bokeh, microcontrast, and cinematic color grading.”
Jay Maisel is a living legend and a huge inspiration to me… but he clearly underestimated the power of a shallow depth of field and making everything teal and orange.
Quote #3
Original: “If your pictures aren’t good enough, you’re not close enough.” – Robert Capa
New Version: “If your pictures aren’t good enough, get a 200-600mm zoom lens and make things easy on yourself.”
Why would you zoom with your feet when you can zoom with your lens? Duh!
Quote #4
Original: “The best camera is the one that’s with you.” – Chase Charvis
New Version: “The best one is the one I’m recommending in this YouTube video. I’ve only used it for 20 minutes and barely know how to work it, but please click the link in the description so I can get an Amazon affiliate commission. And don’t forget to smash that like button!”
Sorry Mr. Jarvis, you obviously don’t know how to recommend a new camera!
Quote #5
Original: “A good photograph is one that communicates a fact, touches the heart, and leaves the viewer a changed person for having seen it; it is in one word, effective.” –Irving Penn
New Version: “A good photograph is one that attracts enough likes and comments to get me on Instagram’s Explore page.”
Mr. Penn was notoriously reclusive, but even he would be at risk of developing Instagram Derangement Syndrome.
Quote #6
Original: “Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst.” – Henri Cartier-Bresson
New Version: “Your first 1,000,000 photographs are your worst.”
Sir, my camera shoots 20 frames per second and I have a lot of hard drive space. I can do 10,000 bad photos before my first pee break.
Quote #7
Original: “The best thing about a picture is that it never changes, even when the people in it do.” – Andy Warhol
New Version: “The best thing about a picture is that I can do anything I want to it in Photoshop.”
I just pulled up some pictures of my no good ex-wife. Thanks to Liquify, she just gained 25 pounds. I can’t wait to tag her on Instagram!
Quote #8
Original: “I work in color sometimes, but I guess the images I most connect to, historically speaking, are in black and white. I see more in black and white – I like the abstraction of it.” – Mary Ellen Mark
New Version: “I work in color sometimes, but I prefer black & white because it makes people think I’m artsy.”
Not everyone can be an artist. But you can at least look like one by shooting in black & white only, and making a big deal about it.
Quote #9
Original: “Photography has no rules, it is not a sport. It is the result which counts, no matter how it is achieved.” – Bill Brandt
New Version: “Photography has no rules, it is not a sport. But it’s fun to go on the Internet and tell people they’re doing things the wrong way.”
There are a million ways to light, compose, and post-process photographs. But there’s only one right way: my way!
Quote #10
Original: “Light makes photography. Embrace light. Admire it. Love it. But above all, know light. Know it for all you are worth, and you will know the key to photography.” – George Eastman
New Version: “Light makes photography. Embrace light. Admire it. Love it. But above all, know light. Or just buy an iPhone 11 Pro, which can take care of everything for you.”
Why on Earth would I learn about light when I can fix everything with a tap on my iPhone?
About the author: Michael Comeau is the Editor of OnPortraits.com, an all-new online community dedicated to simple, classic portrait photography. Click here for more information. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author.
